I'm learning...

I intended to write more regularly -ooopsies!

I had my monthly appointment at the weight management  program yesterday.  I am down a total of 13 pounds since starting the program.  My blood pressure was SUPER! Thanks to that walking I'm doing, I've got it a little more under control - not that it was a problem, but there is family history there.

I have 10 pounds to lose now so that my BMI goes under 50.  That means that I can do the lap-band procedure as an outpatient.  I. must.lose.the.ten.   Granted I have like 3 months, but I also have a 30 year class reunion in August. I am doing a 5K walk in early May. I'm also doing a Dirty Girl event near Milwaukee in the middle of August - unless I manage to score a surgery date by then in which case I won't be getting dirty with my girl-peeps. 

Things I learned at yesterday's class:

1. We truly are all different as we pursue this thing called health.  I was in class with two other people and we were all three very very different in our approaches and in our paths.  I have to say I feel really really smart about this process and how I'm going to get to the big day as healthfully as possible.

2. When I want to, I have amazing determination.  Strangely, this is one of the first times I have put the focus on my self and worked hard to achieve something primarily for ME.  I continue to learn that I am worthy of good health, wellness, and looking like the woman I am on the inside. Cuz inner-skinny-bitch ROCKS!

We know that's NOT what I meant.

Annnd, that's not it either. You get the point.

3. Grazing vs 3 squares - I have been grazing throughout the day to get my protein in.  I'm not eating as many veggies and fruits as I should but I've got this protein thing down.  So last night I bought the baby carrrots in the bag and dragged them to work with me.  I've eaten some.  They give me hiccups.  But I ate 'em anyway. Maybe I'm sucking air. But I'm getting in the stupid vegetables.

4. I'm prone to celebratory food fun.  We had spaghetti with meat sauce and garlic cheese bread for supper last night.  OMG - it was delish.  I've eaten a bit of pasta, but this was pasta-palooza.  Naturally this morning I had to have a chocolate bismark with chocolate cream filling chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles.  The Kwik Trip knew I was on my way.  I chased it with a chocolate milk.  That's the end of the food fest.  Now I have to get serious again.

5. Cleaning out the fridge is empowering.  I don't have enough room to see all my veggies on the shelves because of all the crap and leftover containers and rotting stuff I forgot about and jars of pickles we inherited from my mom when she died.  Who the hell needs 6 jars of pickles in their fridge?  I made my son drain and dump them all out.  I don't much like pickles.  I felt bad dumping them. But now I can see what's all in that fridge and maybe won't let stuff rot and leak all over.


Things are going along well. I feel good.  The only "issue" is that I think "that time of the month" is freekin' early. I.HATE.IT.A.LOT!!! 

Hopefully it will pass quickly so I can get on with the rest of my life.

TTFN!



This work is hard!!!

Stalking lots of blogs lately, I notice the hot topic seems to be the notion that some folks see bariatric surgery as "the easy way out."  Maybe I thought that as well, but then I met my boyfriend who has lost 180 lbs. thru gastric bypass surgery and has to run every day to keep the evil  pounds at bay. I think of another friend who has lost a ton of weight but is still miserable as a person.  It ain't easy.

If you've ready any of this blog, you know I am preparing for lapband surgery.  I am about 3 months into my 6 month preparation program.  At 322 lbs my BMI  was over 50. In order to have the surgery as an outpatient, i need to lose weight to get that BMI below 50.  

IT IS HARD!!!

The mental part is just as challenging as the physical.   I have been fighting demons for years and managed to swaddle them in my fat self.  Unraveling the reasons I've gotten to this weight his hard and painful.  This shit ain't for sissies.

And before January 1 I had become a complete couch potato.  Since then I have been working toward getting fit.  I am walking. For a while I did one walk a day. Then I decided to try two walks.  Now I'm up to three walks a day.  I started doing 15 minutes in the morning; now I'm doing 30 minutes.  Around lunch time I take a 15-20 minute walk, making myself climb the stairs in my office building from the basement to the 4th floor. Hauling this carcass up that many stairs is an ass-kicker. Today I wanted to skip it because I've been congested and am having trouble breathing, but I did it anyway.  This evening I will walk my three dogs...in two rounds of walking.

This morning -  I jogged.  I've read a little about the Couch to 5K program, so I decided to add some bursts of jogging in with my walking.  I hurt now a little, but by golly it didn't kill me.  I think I will try a little of that again tonight.  The dogs will love it.

My personally prescribed eating program seems to be working.  I feel good and can tell when I've fouled up.  It isn't worth it to feel so gross, so I know I have to be much much more careful what I put in my mouth.

I've been drinking hot tea the last couple days to fight the congestion in my chest.  It sure helps.

I'm really enjoying this journey, even though it is hard.  I like me a lot these days and feel like a success for the first time in ages. That's a good thing.  I don't feel like I need to hide anymore, either.  Hide from what?  IDK - but I have the sense that I've been hiding from the world. 

OOOOP! Gotta go. I can smell the coffee pot burning out the bottom.  Thanks for reading!

Hangover - kill me now.1

I had a beautiful weekend with my man and my son.  Easter was with them plus my brother plus my bestie and her hubby.  What a great day.

The bad news is that I was off the hook with my eating.  I was a frickin' eating machine and didn't give a rip that I was falling right into my old stuff myself at holiday time pattern.

I felt like total crap all day long.

I'm exhausted now.

Lesson learned.

MUST.STAY .FOCUSED.